Dolor Aquí

Nothing irritates me more than providers who don't speak in full sentences directly to their patients and instead elect to try out their pigeon Spanish.  How's this for a physical therapy initial evaluation?:

PROVIDER: Tell her she can sit on the mat or on the chair, whatever is most comfortable.
...
PROVIDER (addressing her laptop): Oh no, they didn't give me ICD-9 codes, did they?

INTERPRETER: ¿Ay no, me dieron códigos diagnósticos 9?

PROVIDER: Oh, I'm just talking to myself.
...
PROVIDER: Now, on a scale, um...zero to diez; zero is nada, diez is awful...
...
PROVIDER (helping through some PT exercises): Now...pies...aquí.  And...this...abajo...no, like this. (pushes patient's leg the other way)  And, diez.  (holds patient's leg in one position) Uno dos tres cuatro cinco seis seite ocho nueve diez.  Ok?  Dolor?

I ask myself, why am I here?  I also ask myself, why is the patient here?  The patient might be better served googling "leg pain" and staying at home.

I was also asked by the provider (during the session) if the interpreting company would send a "translator" (yeah, whatever) the day after Thanksgiving.  Will the company just shut down that day, or will they send someone?  Do they need to ask me when I'm available also?

First of all, I'm a contractor, not an employee, so any request for interpretation services is an assignment I can accept or decline.  Secondly, this is an interpreting agency that supplies medical interpreters to hospitals and clinics nationwide, so they're not just going to "shut down" for a holiday, much less for Black Friday.  Thirdly, this is like the second assignment that I've done with this company, so I have no idea how they distribute assignments or if they will even be chosen by this clinic as the interpreting agency of choice for any subsequent assignments.  Quit wasting the patient's time with side conversations.

Of course, this was all preceded by my usual pre-session spiel - please speak directly to the patient, and I repeat everything you say - and the provider's declaration that they were already familiar with using interpreters.  It is always preceded by this.  I regularly interrupt everyone to reiterate they should speak directly with the patient, and occasionally I end up interpreting their "tell him..." and "ask her..." phrases after the providers don't pay attention to my requests so the patient can judge for him/herself whether he/she is being addressed appropriately.  But this is still getting out of hand.  I need to develop more effective ways to limit the time-wasting and non-patient-focused crap that people throw into these appointments.  Ideas, anyone?